The Fellowship Go to a Strip Club!
by Poonani
Summary: Piss yourselves laughing as you read about this hilarious story of a hobbits reluctant journey to a strip club with the help of the rest of the fellowship.
1. The Great Plan

  
**The Fellowship Go to a Strip Club!**   
  
**Chapter 1. The Great Plan **   
  
"It's too late to go out now Frodo," Aragon said as he looked at his watch.   
  
"It's never to late to go out Aragon," said Frodo with a smile on his face.   
  
"It's 8:30pm" came a voice behind Frodo, "And I also think its too late" came the voice, as she stepped out of the darkness there stood Arwen.   
  
"Why don't you leave us alone no one likes you" muttered Frodo as Arwen kissed Aragon on the lips   
  
"Pardon Frodo" she said with a smile.   
  
Frodo looked at the floor and another voice came behind him...He said..."   
  
Quickly Gandalf ran up behind Legolas and grabbed his mouth,   
"he said...your dress is very pretty"   
  
"Why thank you Frodo" said Arwen happily.   
  
"WHAT, no he didn't why are you lying Gandalf he said..." Legolas looked at Frodo,Frodo was standing there mouthing the words:   
"Legolas sit down"   
  
"He said your hair was different today" Said Legolas with a smile.   
  
Arwen looked at Frodo and said with an evil look "I know that my hair is flat today and I know that it looks stupid but you don't have to tell the whole world it looks horrible today" and with that remark she stormed out of the room.   
  
"Hey, I have this new hair spray if you want to use it sometime Arwen", yelled Legolas   
  
"Man, what's eating her?" Asked Legolas   
  
"Great going, dickhead" Aragon yelled at Frodo   
  
"And to think I was actually thinking of going to the strip club with you tonight but you ruined it"   
  
"What, I...why... we weren't even going there, that's where you wanted to o and that's why you don't want to come, its not because its to late its cause you want to go to the strip clubs, I don't want to ". Frodo yelled.   
  
"A strip club and without me" screamed Sam while running to stand next to his long loved friend   
  
"What the hell, what are you doing here Sam? No one invited you," asked Aragon.   
  
"Well if we are going anywhere Sam can come", Frodo purposed.   
  
"Thank you mister Frodo", Sam smiled   
  
"Hey what about us," came 2 voices, "we want to come too."   
  
"Can't I talk to Frodo without you three being around?" Aragon asked.   
  
Merry and Pippin looked at each other and shrugged.   
  
Legolas broke the silence with this remark,"I am not planning on staying home for this journey, you will need my condoms."   
  
"And my underwear" yelled a short fat man from behind his name was Gimli.   
  
"Gandalf will join you all". Gandalf said delightedly   
  
"Hey where are you guys going?" yelled a voice coming from a back room they all walked in to the other room and came to a door. Frodo looked at the 7 of them and then the door. Frodo turned the handle of the door and slowly pushed it open.   
  
"OMG Boromir you smell" yelled Pippin "Smells!No he doesn't...he bloody stinks!" yelled Merry   
  
By that time Frodo, Sam and Legolas were rolling around on the ground laughing.   
  
"Sorry Boromir". Gandalf said as he grabbed the door handle to close the door   
  
"Can't I shit without everyone knowing?" Boromir screamed Boromir was very upset and started to cry, the laughing of Frodo, Sam and Legolas grew louder, and Merry and Pippin started to crack. Then Gimli yelled, "Can you spray the toilet later cause I want to go after".   
  
"Spray will not work this one", laughed Merry   
  
The laughter grew louder and Boromir's sadness grew greater   
  
"Shut up" he yelled then you could hear him cry more.   
  
"Come along you boys, we have to get ready for the long tramping" Aragon said trying not to laugh   
  
"Wait I want to come" the toilet flushed and you could hear the spraying of the toilet spray as Boromir opened the door. Wiping the tears from his eyes Boromir looked around at everyone, they all stood with smiles on their faces and tears in their eyes from the laughing. Boromir walked out of the toilet and was about to walk away when...   
  
"HEY", yelled Pippin, Boromir looked at Pippin   
  
"Wash your hands", Pippin laughed   
  
Merry started to laugh and Boromir quickly glared at Merry while   
  
Legolas stood behind Boromir clipped a peg on to his nose, Frodo couldn't help but laugh at Legolas.   
  
Boromir walked into the bathroom and washed his hands.   
  
"Come on Boromir", said Gimli from behind "We are going to the strip show tonight".   
  
Boromir wiped his eyes and said brightly "We are score I haven't been there in ages...oh I mean..."   
  
"Okay lets go", yelled Gandalf from the front door.   
  
**To be continued in the next hilarious chapter, _The Unforgettable Ride_**


	2. The Unforgettable Ride

  
**The Fellowship Go to a Strip Club!**   
  
**Chapter 2. The Unforgettable Ride!**   
  
"Come on guys lets go," yelled a very excited Aragon   
  
"Do we really have to go to the strip club?" asked not such an excited Frodo   
  
"YES, you ain't ruining this big opportunity for me, you idiot!" Screamed Pippin.   
  
"I agree", Merry said   
  
Come on mister Frodo you will like it very much", Sam insisted, "I know I will,"   
  
Sam then laughed to himself and took out a photo placed on the inside of his jacket, placed near his heart, it was a picture of his long lost love she was a stripper and they lost contact.   
  
"Who's that?" asked a nosey Legolas   
  
"Her name was Rosemary," he said as he clicked his seat belt on.   
  
"Rosemary aye", Legolas said as he eyed the picture up.   
  
Sam looked at Legolas and didn't like the look he was giving the picture there was something slutty about it. He grabbed the picture violently.   
  
"Get a girlfriend", he told Legolas   
  
"I will", said Legolas in a show off manner "Which remains me, hey Gandalf you have a daughter don't you?"   
  
"Yes, I do Legolas, but you can stay away from my little sunflower", Gandalf said with a serious face.   
  
Legolas sat back in his seat and screwed his face up then he thought to myself, looking up at the sky he whispered,   
  
"Oh dear lords of the light when will I ever get a good root?"   
  
"What was that, Legolas?" asked Boromir   
  
"You mind your business, poo boy". Said Legolas Boromir tried to smile but it wasn't funny it hurt him inside, deep inside   
  
"DON'T CALL ME THAT", yelled Boromir   
  
"Right that's it we are turning around", Gandalf was yelling now his was very angry,   
  
"OH, far man," said Pippin sadly   
  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY PIPPIN"? Gandalf screamed   
  
"Nothing, nothing lets go home, please", Pippin insisted   
  
"I don't want to turn around though", said Aragon "I want to see the naked ladies".   
  
"Fine, but one more peep and I am turning around".   
  
The car was silent and everyone sat waiting to pull in to the car park.   
  
Suddenly the car stopped,   
  
"We are here", said Gimli   
  
"Yahoo", said Pippin with a huge smile.   
  
**To be continued in the next hilarious chapter, _The Entering._**


	3. The Entering

  
**The Fellowship Go to a Strip Club!**   
  
**Chapter 3. The Entering**   
  
They jumped out the car rather excited, expect for Frodo of course.   
  
Boromir jumped out of the car and put his arm around Frodo, " We can go somewhere else if you like", he said teasingly.   
  
"Leave him alone, you, you, you... ", Legolas could not help himself he had to say something mean, "You Mr I want to come and watch the naked ladies, but I just have to wipe my ass."   
  
Boromir took his arm off Frodo, and looked at Legolas "Suck my..."   
  
Gandalf began to speak "Alright 3 rules, don't get in fights, don't tease Boromir because of the little incident that happened early".   
  
Smiles came upon everyone's faces and a little laughter came from Pippin and Merry.   
  
"All right, aright, and the 3rd rule is...   
Legolas keep it in your pants". Gandalf then smiled and with a grin his said, "Lets have fun guys."   
  
They all walked towards the two large men standing in the doorway of the strip club.   
  
"SICKOS" yelled a voice from the other side of the street   
  
"Got ID?", said the man on the right Pippin looked up at the large man and fainted.   
  
Merry quickly picked him up and showed both their IDS.   
  
Frodo held out his ID and walked slowly into the club and looked inside then he got pushed by someone behind him it was Sam, "come on Mr Frodo lets by a drink.   
  
"SICKOS", yelled the voice again   
  
"Yo, who is saying that?", asked Aragon Gandalf looked around,   
  
"Yo Grandpa how you doing?" came the voice   
  
"What in gods name is she talking about"?   
  
"Don't worry Gandalf". Said Aragon   
  
"Got your ID boy"? Legolas looked at the 'tough' guy standing in the doorway   
  
"Yeah, so what you gonna do". Said Legolas in a 'tough' way   
  
Gandalf took his ID card and showed it to the man then pushed Legolas in to the strip club then showed him his.   
  
Aragon and Gimli then pulled out there ID cards and showed them.   
  
"Alright, go right on in", said the two men at the door.   
  
They all walked in and right away they all spotted Pippin standing on a table with 9 chairs "Over here, over here", he yelled.   
  
They all walked to the table and sat down, the table was round and right next to the end of the walkway where the stripper came down.   
  
"Great table Pippin," Politely said by Aragon   
  
"Thank you, I noticed that it was a different cut of wood to all the other tables". Said Pippin   
  
"No, I mean the place the table...don't worry" Aragon smiled and looked down the walkway.   
  
"AND NOW BRACE YOUR SEATS COZ HERE COMES SOME OF OUR NEW LADIES AND HOW GOOD THESE GIRLS LOOK IN THEIR...   
NOTHING."   
Said some fat guy in a cheap suit with a microphone.   
  
The music started booming and the lights started to flash when then a girl in a glitter wet suit came out and started to undress Frodo looked around the table and started to like the sound of a strip club. To there surprise even a waitress with no top on came over to take drink orders.   
  
"Can I take your orders guys"?   
  
"WOW", said Pippin with wide eyes   
  
"SHIT, THEY ARE HUGE", said Merry   
  
"Yes there are ani't they", winked Legolas as he leaned in to look it the 'notepad' she used to take the orders.   
"I will have a beer say Gandalf",   
  
"Yeah same", came Gimli,   
  
"Me too", said Merry,   
  
"Me three" said Pippin slowly,   
  
"Oh I'll have a white wine", said Boromir   
  
Legolas looked at Boromir and started to laugh "I think I will have a MANS drink, give me a...   
Rum and cola,"   
  
"I will have a Beer thanks". Said Sam   
  
"I'll have a rum and cola too", said Aragon   
  
"What about you Mister Frodo"? Asked Sam   
  
Frodo wiped the drool from his lips and looked at the Waitress,   
Frodo was lost for words,   
"I with have a milk" Frodo said   
  
"AYE", said Sam in a confused tone.   
  
"I mean, sorry I'll have a beer", said Frodo.   
  
"Okay I'll be right back". Said the waitress with a smile   
  
"I'm looking forward to it", said Legolas with a smile.   
  
The second stripper came out and started dancing, suddenly Sam stood up and his chair fell to the ground   
  
"ROSEMARY", Sam yelled   
"Oh my goodness me what it he doing", said Gandalf   
  
"Its you!" Sam yelled...   
  
**To be continued in the next hilarious chapter. _The Bullshitters Journey_ by Poonani has an alternative ending for this one and a related story (Rebecca is the author of this story who is featured in The Bullshitters Journey.)**


End file.
